I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
