When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
