splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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