she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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