think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
