do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
