Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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