Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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