So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
