Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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