Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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