so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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