I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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