1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
