I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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