this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
