smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
