I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
