Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
