Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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