Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
