apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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