K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
