shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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