Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
