He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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