Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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