So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
