I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
