why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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