Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
