you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
