So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
