you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize