There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
