thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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