dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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