He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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