do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize