i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
