I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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