I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
