I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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