i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
