how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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