It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
