I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
