college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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