I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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