i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
