Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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