I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
