from now on my penis is your penis
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
