the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
