No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
