Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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