Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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