He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
