Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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