so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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