I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
