i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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