I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
