You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
