Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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