you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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