The best revenge is premature balding
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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